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How to Make a Digital Use Agreement
How to make a digital use agreement with your kids. Ten tips to make your digital agreement work.
So, you have decided that your family needs a digital use contract. Perhaps, you’re tired of daily fights with your kids about their phone and tablet use, or maybe you’re trying to be proactive and avoid future conflict. Regardless, we are here to help provide you with the tips you need to draft a digital use agreement that works for the family. First, let’s talk about what a digital use agreement is. A digital use agreement is a written agreement that outlines the boundaries and use of devices in the home. The agreement can highlight which specific devices are permissible, what times devices can be used, and related rewards and limitations. The use of the word agreement is purposeful, as the word contract can be intimidating and produce anxiety. The following keys will help you draft a working digital agreement.
The use of the word agreement is purposeful, as the word contract can be intimidating and produce anxiety.
1. Do Your Homework
Take time before to think about what you are hoping to accomplish with the agreement. Talk with your partner about what kind of digital family you want to be and how to accomplish this.
2. Don't Ambush Your Kids
Similarly, give your kids notice that the family is going to discuss a digital use agreement. With notice, kids are more likely to be open to discussing digital use and finding agreement. No one likes a bad surprise. Additionally, encourage them to think about which practices they are comfortable negotiating over and which ones they can’t live without. Having such information written down for the discussion will help make the process more productive.
3. Be Prepared To Make Concessions
Consider what you are willing to grant or give as part of the agreement. One can adopt an absolute prohibitive stance but this will likely foster resentment and jeopardize long-term success. Additionally, a prohibitive stance may actually cause greater harm as kids are then prevented from exploring the digital world in a safe manner, leaving them ill prepared for the future. It is important that one remembers that by entering into a negotiation one has already agreed to forfeit some demands and make concessions.
4. Make the Process Participatory
To maximize success, look at the creation process as participatory and collaborative. Research shows that people are more likely to adhere to a plan and related goals if they are invested in the decision-making process.
5. Make S.M.A.R.T. Goals
There is a science to goal setting and that involves goals being specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound (i.e., deadlines). That is, goals should be readily identifiable, within reach, related to the broader goals, and time-sensitive. In short, make goals specific and related to observable behaviors (i.e., # of minutes on one’s cell phone).
6. Pair Short-Term Goals and Rewards
Due to their very nature, adolescents have difficulty with long-term planning. Therefore, set goals at smaller intervals such as days or a week. For instance, rewarding a teenager at the end of a long school quarter for her performance is a recipe for disaster and unlikely to be a good motivator.
7. Reward Effort, Not Outcomes
It is important that praise not be based on a specific outcome being achieved. Whenever one tries to change behavior, there is likely to be early difficulties. We want to recognize one’s efforts even if he or she falls short of the digital agreement goal. For instance, did your daughter refrain from using her phone for most of the week as opposed to the entire week, which was the pre-identified goal? We want to foster great motivation and investment, and we can do that by acknowledging when a youth is trying to make change.
8. Post the agreement in a highly visible place.
Have the agreement in an area where it can readily be referred to, like on the refrigerator.
9. Identify Digital Detox Times
Carefully select when devices are not to be used like during dinner or after a certain hour. Again, be careful, and do not use digital detox times carelessly or excessively.
10. Evolving Conversation
Recognize that the process of drafting an agreement is ongoing, and families will need to return to it as they grow and progress. As goals are accomplished and progress made, families will want to recraft the agreement to reflect current circumstances.
The above tips will help you and your family craft a workable agreement. They are broad based and can be used regardless of the specific tech issues. Future blog posts will detail these individual tips more, so be on the looking for more guidance.
We’ve created a form that allows parents and kids to start an open conversation and encourages everyone to be part of the decision making. Fill out the form below to download the printable PDF.